i found me a hopeless case
by seemslikeaporno
Summary: "That's not important right now. What's important is you telling me how Eska is going to react when I dump her." Dump is too strong a word, he thinks. It sounds mean. "When I - break up with her, I mean. Because dumping someone is not nice." Or, Bolin gets useless advice on how to end a "relationship".


**i found me a hopeless case **

( "That's not important right now. What's important is you telling me how Eska is going to react when I dump her." Dump is too strong a word, he thinks. It sounds mean. "When I - break up with her, I mean. Because dumping someone is not nice." | Or, Bolin gets useless advice on how to end a "relationship". )

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"I've decided that I don't want to be Eska's boyfriend anymore," Bolin says at the dinner table.

Korra and Mako raise their eyebrows at the same time. It's a little scary.

"I didn't realize you were her boyfriend," Mako says after a beat.

"Yeah," Korra agrees. "I thought you were just, you know." She thinks for a minute, biting the inside of her cheek. She grins, eyes flashing, and decides on, "courting her."

Mako laughs, because _fuck him_, and Bolin makes a very eloquent show of gagging on his food. _Courting_ _her_, honestly. This isn't the eighteen hundreds. He's no knight, and Eska certainly isn't some damsel in distress. If she was, Bolin would probably like her much better than he does. Alas.

Not alas. Ugh.

"I'm not good at history," Bolin says, pouting at the table. He shifts the food on his plate with his fork.

"What does that - " Mako starts, but Korra shakes her head and solemnly reaches across the table to pat Bolin's arm. "What are you - " Mako grumps.

"Bolin needs me," Korra says, appeasing him.

"I _need_," Bolin begins, annoyed, "someone to tell me how to break up with her."

"Don't ask me," Korra says, retracting her hand. Bolin frowns, gazes at the cooling place on his arm. "I haven't had to break up with anyone yet."

"_Yet_?" Mako questions. Accuses, whatever.

Korra steadies his gaze and raises a challenging brow. Mako presses his lips together, places his hands in his lap, and turns away from her with a huff. Bolin is almost ninety percent sure Korra has had him neutered. Bolin sighs. Life may be easier without his parts.

"You two are not helpful. At all," Bolin says. Accuses. It's all the same, honestly. "I'm going to talk to Asami," he decides, standing up from the table. Neither Korra or Mako bat an eyelash.

Weirdos.

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"Wrench," Asami says, holding out her hand from beneath a Satomobile she's tinkering with.

Bolin blinks, looking around. No one else is in the garage. "How did you know I was here?" he asks, handing her the wrench from the case of tools a few feet to Asami's left.

She thanks him, voice muffled because everything from her hips up is under the vehicle, and ignores his question. Bolin hears the sound of metal on metal, a squeaking noise as something is tightened. Or loosened, he doesn't really know. He's not good with cars.

He's not good at much, apparently.

"I'm really bad at history," Bolin mourns, dropping onto the ground and crossing his legs.

"What?" Asami asks.

"I want to break up with Eska," Bolin replies.

"What does that - " she cuts off, swearing, "fucking _spirits_ - ugh, never mind. I didn't know you two were even a thing." She stretches her arm out from beneath the Satomobile, and Bolin obediently takes the wrench from her hand. "Pliers," she says.

"We've always been a _thing_," Bolin scoffs, giving her the pliers. "It's just not a thing I want to be a part of anymore."

Asami makes a vague noise of affirmation, then hits something, splutters a few bad words, and fixes whatever she's broken. _If_ she's broken anything. Bolin is really just assuming, here.

"Did you break something?" he asks, because, well. Now he has to _know_.

"No," Asami deadpans, which makes it pretty clear that she means yes. "Not - well. Not permanently." She pushes herself out from beneath the Satomobile. There's a grease stain on her cheek that Bolin robotically tries to remove by swiping his thumb over it. "Don't worry about it," Asami says, not unkindly, batting his hand away.

"Okay," Bolin says, hesitating. "Do you have any advice?" he blurts, because - well, because he _needs_ some.

"Not really," Asami says, because, apparently, all of his friends are _useless_. "Have you asked Mako?"

"I think he's been neutered," Bolin says. Asami nods sagely. Bolin goes on, muttering, "Korra's not any help, either."

"No," Asami sighs, "she's probably not."

There is a silence.

"Neither are you, though," Bolin points out.

Asami shrugs.

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Tonraq heaves a sigh and fiddles with the end of his beard while Senna watches him with the same befuddled expression she's worn from the moment Bolin came into their hut unannounced, but Bolin can't be bothered with such trivial issues. There are bigger and much more pressing issues to attend to. Not to mention, he's got to express his discontent _somehow_.

"And that's not the worst part," he rambles, flailing his arms about, "I can't so much as _look_ at another girl without her getting jealous. I mean, c'mon, I know I'm handsome, but can't she at least _trust_ me? And she _really_hates when I'm around Korra, since I had a crush on her that one time - oh, _sorry_ - but I'm totally over that now, mostly, and I mean, I'd never do anything with Korra anyways, since she's with Mako and he's my brother, and that's just - _yuck_, right, but it's like I can't even be around Korra because Eska would get mad, and it really sucks because I love Korra - like, in a _totally_ platonic best friend way! - and she's so cool and special and Eska makes things really, really hard for me and I suck at history and life would be easier if I was just neutered like Mako."

Bolin sucks in a deep breath and releases it. Tonraq coughs into his fist. Senna blinks a little owlishly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Thanks," Bolin says after a palpable silence. "I really needed to get that off my chest."

"Er," Tonraq says. "Anytime?"

There is a beat.

"Please stay away from our daughter."

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"Bolin?" Korra whispers, peeking into his tent.

"Were you followed?" Bolin asks gravely, sitting up and lighting the lantern next to his sleeping bag.

"Um, no," Korra responds, stepping into the space, the flap closing behind her. "But I don't really understand why you wanted me to meet you here in the middle of the night by myself. It's a little weird."

"You're weird," Bolin retorts petulantly. Then, "your dad says I have to stay away from you now."

Korra cocks a brow, slowly. "And that's because...?"

"I told them I loved you. I don't know." Bolin shrugs. "Also, I may have implied that my brother had been neutered."

"Ah," Korra says cautiously. "So, the 'love' thing..."

"Totally platonic," Bolin insists, waving his hand dismissively. "That's not important right now. What's important is you telling me how Eska is going to react when I dump her." Dump is too strong a word, he thinks. It sounds mean. "When I - _break up with her_, I mean. Because _dumping_ someone is not nice."

"Neither is taking a dump on someone," Korra points out, giggling.

"Right," Bolin agrees, smiling despite the severity of what he has hereby coined The Eska Situation. "Very ladylike, as usual, Korra," he says.

Korra burps, sitting down on the end of his sleeping back and crossing her legs.

Maybe he does love her. He'll sleep on it.

"Korra," he says seriously.

"_Bolin_," she says without missing a beat. "I told you, I don't know how to help you. I've never broken up with anybody."

"Well, go do it, come back, and tell me your method," Bolin says.

"I'm not going to do that."

Bolin sighs, but mutters, "I figured," nonetheless.

"Just tell her she's not what you're looking for," Korra suggests, shrugging. "She'll understand. Maybe." Korra looks down guiltily at Bolin's very, very distrusting look. "Okay, probably not, but _still_. It's not fair if you're unhappy, is it? So even if it ends with you getting frozen to the side of a mountain or something, you'll be better off afterwards because you're not, like. Attached to someone."

"No," Bolin deadpans, "I'll just be attached to a wall."

Korra smirks. "Exactly."

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"Eska," Bolin says, getting the attention of both twins. He blanches. "I - think we should, um. Break up."

Eska raises a brow.

"I'm just not, um, happy, I guess? It's not you, it's me. I mean - it's you, but it's mostly. I just," Bolin rushes, holding his hands in front of himself as if anticipating to get punched. "You're really beautiful and, um, strong and stuff, but it's - ah, like - you're scary and I don't want to be your boyfriend. So. I'm not your boyfriend."

The twins look at each other. Bolin's sweat begins to pool in the small of his back.

"I think he is trying to put an end to your partnership," Desna says.

"I believe he is," Eska agrees.

Bolin thinks he's going to pass out, and when Eska and Desna turn back to him, he actually almost _does_.

"That is fine," she says carefully, watching him owlishly, "but I did not realize we were together."

Bolin blinks once, twice. Then he sits down on the snow and does not move for a very, very long time.

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Mako finds him some minutes later, demanding to know why Tonraq just asked if he'd been neutered.


End file.
